Felt like nt going to class at all. The feeling of being the dumbest
in the clique.
Tmr's not gonna be any better I think.
Save myself from me.
2010 and heavy wishes.
2009 have ended.
Feels like only a month have passed instead of a year.Should i call it a good year for me ? Yes ? No ? I shall call it a
year of lessons and regrets. 2009 was the year I have been thinking
heavily. Often in a pensieve. I think of all the things that i should
have done which I didn't. I think of all the fake smiles I put to my
problems and the small simple achievements i'm expected to achieve -
which I didn't too. And then I question myself "why?" pretty often.
Why dont i ever achieve ? I had wanted people to look up to me. But it
never happened. I have never ever liked the treatment given to me by
almost everyone in poly. My mind is very much busy throughout trying
to change and save myself. But at the end of of it all, I'm still the
same. Some people tried to help, give advices but they just don't
fully understand me. It isn't easy to give up on some things that I've
been doing even though i keep complaining having problems with them.
You see, I've fallen in love with doing it. I failed to keep up with
my studies still. I'm upset with myself for letting people think that
I do not take school as being important.
I'm determined though that this year, things will be better for me.
People will see me differently. I'm able to concentrate on my studies
if not do well. I'll be able to juggle my time equally between school
and canoe polo. I will play canoe polo better - with utmost
confidence. I will stop crapping for a reason. I want back the good
and obedient me 2 years back. It may all seem too late but 2010 seems
the year where things will get better. I have set my own personal
target on 2 things.
Had a different new year eve for 2009. Usually I'd go Cheng yi house
to meet up with the rest. But I went night cycling with jy this time.
It was pretty fun. My first time cycling on the roads. And seeing the
nightlife. The fireworks. My first time right underneath sg flyer too.
It was nt a boring eve for me. Went to east coast to look for some
frens after that. Then went to slp at jy's grandma house. The dogs
were scary. Haha. Impromptu event but well kinda worth it.
Kallang training has officially ended. Deeply disappointed with myself
today. Have been rowing a lot this 3 weeks. Hope there's some fruit
bore from all this.
3 on 3 next week. It's okay if my team doesn't have a good shooter or
keeper. What's matters most I believe is that we will play this well
and makeit as fun as it can be. I can't wait to sit on a vamp again !
The last time was in Taiwan. Really missed playing polo. And like I
said, this is the final streak, I give myself till April.
Fight on the obstacles. :]
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