Name: [f]arhan
Age: 19
School: Singapore Polytechnic
MSN: devil_farted@msn.com
5/1 2007: Wei Jie
Yan Ping
Cheng Yi
CK
Chu Hui
Jennifer
Rou Fang
Su Maw
Atiqah
Farah
Ivan
Shazwin
Poly mates: Jerome
Winnie
Jason
Derrick
Zacson
Wai Leong
Marcus
Shazlin
Lee Yen
Candy
Hian
Theresa
Wei Yang
Tarmidzie
Other friends: Jocelyn
Rozand
Gilford
Steffy
Tresha
Azlin
Nicol
Hamidah
AKM
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
Circus coming on 02.12.2008
Awesome. XD PS: Don't call the number unless you live in the US. Farhan
Oh I wish things were simpler for me.
I wished things were simpler for me.
Everything.
I wished I had put in my all in everything that I do.
I didn't.
I wished procrastination and distraction does not exist in my realm.
I let them rule almost half of my life.
I hated people who let their emotions get the better of them.
I'm now just like them.
Yesterday's training made me think pretty a lot. I think I was the only one. And you would say, "Why bother thinking so much ?". If it wasn't for Tarmidzie, I wouldn't have. Zhang Jia did a total of 210+ pull ups on his own and it was exceedingly good. I was struggling at my 7th set of 10. My canoe president seems to be giving a hint repeatedly on those weaker ones. I somehow get myself to feel affected. I know my level of competence. It isn't enough. I haven't been putting my soul into training. I have this credible mindset that I must divide my energy equally so that it would be enough to last for other exercises. But apparently, the advices repeatedly coming towards me is to PUSH harder no matter the aches. Thats the way to improve. But I would gladly do it if push ups weren't killers. I got 'reprimanded' by Jerald for not doing proper push up. I admit my fault but really, my chest could stretch only as far as that during the push up. Why would I not want to do it properly when I could. I wished I could progress faster. I wished my stamina would improve more than my physique improves. I do want to hail through tough trainings. But I hope I will still be given a chance to be better. I don't like to be looked upon like something. If I were better and have juniors, I swear I would treat them way better. I'm not lousy.
Social issues. Hafi just said a few days back while on the way home, that it's not possible for us malays to be captain as it would be hard for us to converse since theres more chinese speaking. And I got a little fired up in my heart. Wtf ? You're letting that to be your setback ? What's Tarmidzie then ? I'm not saying I want to become one but its the mindset. I remained cool. I personally hated Arif's answer of we should learn chinese (to fucking accommodate the rest?). Yes that is the way but wait a minute, just for the sake of conversing ? Will learning chinese make things better ? I am already struggling on my own here wif my chinese class. Trying to tell me they all can't speak english ? Why can't english be a fixed command language ?It wouldn't kill right ? Just how goddamn hard can it be to converse in english so EVERYBODY could understand. Looking at the way things work, I feel like I'm becoming an anthropologist. "Left out". I feel less motivated too in trainings especially to go for sprints. Really goddamn ridiculous.
I don't understand why am I 'all-smiles' in school when I'm thinking of a solution to improving myself in everything especially studies. I keep thinking and worrying. Sometimes friends are advantages and sometimes disadvantages. Some things are best kept to yourself. First of all, I know it myself that I'm not dumb. If I am, I wouldn't be in DASE. It's my minimal effort that's dragging me down. Why why why. Words can be hurtful. I want to catch up - like really. I really am looking forward to a day where I can focus on my schoolwork wholeheartedly. I'm like enduring this alone.
I never said this to anyone before but I really do feel that the things bothering me are evidently affecting my emotions. I really have limits. I simply get fired up with things like sore losers and proud asses. Little things made by other people like that also makes me turn red. It's worse for me at home. All I ever look forward to at home is peace and time to myself. I fucking can't stand nags anymore. But why do I let my emotions get the better of me ? This is bad I know. But I have friends who've asked me why I must I be so complacent and nice to everyone ? If you have to be that way then so be it, just know the limitations and dun go overboard.
I just need my a few of my opinions to be ranted.
They shouldn't even be here actually.
oh my goodness.
farked up.
Farhan
Changed blog song to something classic and sweeter but still britney. XD
------------------------------------------------------------------ "Where are you Now"
Calling out your name
Your face is everywhere
I'm reaching out to you
To find that you're not there
I wake up every night
To see the state I'm in
It's like an endless fight
I never seem to win
I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering
Where are you now, what have you found
Where is your heart, when I'm not around
Where are you now, you gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go
I can hear your voice
The ring of yesterday
It seems so close to me
But yet so far away
I should let it out
To save what's left of me
And close the doors of doubt
Revive my dignity
But, I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering
I should let it out, it's time to let you go
Oh baby, I just want to know ------------------------------------------------------------------ Classic and nice! Finally I've changed it. But I will probably put 'Womanizer' back on the last week of December. XD Farhan
Happy Deepavalli! XD
Happpppyyyy Deeeepppaaaavvvaaallliii!
Holiday tomorrow.
Going out going out.
That picture represents Dialgia and Palkia. 2 Legendary pokemon from Pokemon Pearl, Diamond and Platinum. How come the new pokemons all look so uber cool kind. LOL.
Boring week. Nothing much new apart from great music. XD
Funhouse by Pink.
Chasing Lights by The Saturdays.
And Womanizer play count is 68 in my ipod.
XD
Should I like change my blog song ? LOl.
Trainings as per normal. But I feel like I've not run for a long time. Training isn't the same as when it was holidays. It's more easier. Looking forward to more 100% effort in bench press. See if I can stand it anot. lol. Britney's gonna re-record her very first single in her whole life: 'Baby One More Time'. That was the song that made her famous 10 years ago. As a decade anniversary, she have re-recorded the song to be more urban and mordern. That is uber coool. The more I can't wait for Circus on 2nd December. XD Just attended sports club camp yesterday. Sadly, couldn't stay overnight with my group. :( But in anyway it was fun. Reza was funny shit. The after-dinner activities were funny and entertaining. I nearly became a shim you know. Phew. Although the games were just the same as FO camp's, I must say it was still fun-ny shit. Lol. And I've only got 1 picture of my group together here - in an awkward position:
Marcus acting cute obviously. XD Oh yar Maureen and the other girl in my group are damn cute apple eaters. Like really. XD
Farhan
Felt sad and lousy. Choosing of polo side.
I have been thinking a lot thiese 2 days.
Thinking about nothing else but my academic studies and commitments.
I couldn't believe I'd fail both modules. I really know how lousy that is. I just can't say anything much about it. I was feeling down right after getting the results. Borderline fails. Can't change anything now can I ? Apart from studying properly and memorising the right stuff. And I still have SYFC to study for. Certain of my classmate's remarks made me think and affected me a little. Made me re-think of my commitments too. I want to do better. I think the new people I've met sees me as a dumb joker. I can revert back to my usual self like when I was in secondary school before. What am I saying that for. These few posts, I have been very frank with my words.
And I've still got canoe polo to train hard for. Apparently seniors are dead serious about us training hard and winning. I'm not that dumb. It's an indescribable thing. I still haven gotten the degree of seriousness of it. I am attempting to be serious now. I don't want to be disappointed and put down by anyone there.
Told Gao Xiang my problem on water. He told me to increase my bench press weight to 30kg on each side. ?! I can't do that weight yet lar. Zz. Lol..
Yesterday's training was hell tough. Although we have gone through training with a 400 push up punishment before, yesterday's 200 push ups was quite murdering. Don't know why. But my endurance was better. Everyone was sweating like hell. Am aching badly on my biceps and chest.
Gary told us to go for sprint training to support Jun Ying. Well it isn't that I don't want to support but I don't see the point in going there. Boats won't be enough and I won't be seen as important there. I don't train for sprint. Zz. Was it a mistake I made from the start ? No attempts ? O well there were little attempts I made to learnt the K boat once. But really, I didn't have enough rest last night too so I just decided not to go. This ISN'T an excuse but Tarmidzie already said anyway that we've officially been given the choice to choose which side we want to go to. Of course I will play for polo. I want polos on Wednesdays and Fridays (alternate) and Sundays. I have a little problem with training timings and days. Sigh. Why do I always get myself involved ? Trying my best to reduce my other commitments to make way for studies and canoe trainings.
I'll be expecting myself to be flying for my sortie 1 next week. So I'm feeling a little relaxed to study for all the R/T calls and external aircraft checks.
Trying my best here.
Wah lao so much said about my studies and commitments. Sometimes I ask myself what is it that I look forward to daily. I'm beginning to feel different with my surroundings.
Farhan
School resumes in full force. Zz.
HELLO Structured Programming
You're just damn boring to start for a first lesson. XD
So I spent the whole lesson playing my GBA emulator.
The teacher's a little effeminate in my opinion and I was wondering why he didn't stop me from what I was doing.
Ok and holidays have officially ended. The class chalet I've been looking forward to have passed too. A long holiday it has been and I've slacked enough.
Suffered during IDEAS lesson today as me and Arif rushed to get the board thingy done. Cutting the wires were a hassle. The shorter it is, the harder and annoying. Ironic. And if this board fails, I'm going to be speechless. Haha.
Found an awesome quality for Womanizer. XD Finally.
Got into a bickering session with a teammate of mine. How pathetic. Another case of shitty character. To hell with people like this. What kind of a ruddy teammate. I've said sorry for my wrong part but you don't have to go on ranting your shit. I don't even think your sacrifice is needed. Geez. What in the world. That's why I've said since secondary school that it's best for every individual to look in the mirror themselves. Attempting to help other people ? Go help yourself first.
Not going for the Marathon in November. Haha. No surprise. It's fine. Training for the 3v3 polo instead. ^^
Ciara's 'Echo' and re-worked 'Work' is damn nice. Some good stuff from here finally.
SYFC is getting challenging for me. Will be doing my first flight this week or next week. Also known as 1st sortie.. I haven't even memorise the damn R/T calls procedure. If I see my name tomorrow.. I'm going to get frenzied.
Arh and AKM wanted me to do this. Sounded so serious. Lol. alright alright.
1.Do you have a secret?
I wish I do, but no.
2. Would you fall in love with a girl older than you?
Hmm I wouldn't want a girl older than me more than 5 years. ^^
3. Do you enjoy going to school?
Yup.
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
CDs and cool cars and donate and and and lots of stuff. $.$
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
It's a guy. Haha. Of course not.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone.
7. Which would you prioritise first friendship or relationship?
friendship.
8. If the person you like secretly is attached, what would you do?
Confess to her still and err.. try to break her up ? Kidding. Just as long as she's happy everything's fine.
9. is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
At the moment, there isn't any.
10. Do you have any regrets?
At certain parts yes and sometimes no. And sometimes I hate this part right here.
11. How do you think you have been the past 5yrs?
Too non sporty and always going by the book. Exploiting my sporty side now.
12. What kind of a person do you think the person tagged you is?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This guy ar. Got bully me before 1 lei. Guess now he's changed for the better ? XD
13. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
What the hell. I want to get married and of course rich. But I'll take the latter and I think my mom's goinna be my financial supporter. XD
14. Who are the most important people to you?
My family and close friends - that's the truth.
15. What is your favourite colour?
Brown.
16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes of course. I wouldn't be fondling around in a relationship.
17. If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
Impossible. Lol. I really don't know.
18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done to you?
I will forgive of course but forgetting.. It depends on the degree of the horrible-ness. Lol.
19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
At the moment, single..
20. 5 people i have tagged.
Well not yet but.. Wei Jie, Su Maw, Marcus, Cheng Hua and Winnie. The rest who wanna do also can. XD
Farhan
Womanizer Video Premiere. XD
She is like fkin' hot in the sauna scene. Holy. True comeback. ^^ Last day of holiday tomorrow. School's gonna resume on Monday and it's gonna start at 8.30am. Sweet. New modules and new lecturers. Will be starting Monday with IDEAS lesson. Zz. Time to recall digital electronics stuff again.. Will be updating tomorrow again. ^^ Farhan
Back from class chalet XD. Super Duper shag.
Tired ar tired ar.
XD
Pictures uploading as I speak.
...
...
..And uploads complete. Hahas
Post dedicated to chalet only..
I still have lots more but 40% of the collection are photos of Winnie. Haha. I will let her post pictures of herself by herself. ^^ From the pictures posted.. Hmmm let me see.. Theres a picture of us outside the main office of the Aloha and then theres me and Winnie on duo.. Theres my group walking together heading to Downtown.. Pizzas ordered and theres 6 boxes of them and it costs a total $108.60 - woo.. Arif eating BBQ food.. Cheng Hua and Jerome helping out with the BBQ.. And group shot of 6 of us before watching retarded movies that night - liked these 2 photos.. Then pictures of us leaving just now and lastly Cheng Hua at Macdonald.. A super tiring 3days 2 nights. To think that I was crazy enough to still head for Canoe yesterday morning with Arif at 5.30am. Headed to Macritchie sia. Just for that 1 star canoe cert. If it isn't so important I wouldn't have bothered. Hahas. It was a great little bonding session for us all. My phone never had rest in Winnie's hand. It was on constant rotation of taking photos. Haha. And this pictures are the good result of all those clicking. Winnie on action with my phone throughout 3 days. I still have pictures of Lee sleeping like a dead log and scenes after we have finished swimming. Haha. Nah I won't post them lar. BBQ food was great. Jerome did a good job with it. Foood was nice. Although we overspent, (and somehow only I seem to know that we overspent) I still managed to settle the money issue. I had a great sleep last night from 1am onwards thanks to Lee for offering his bed to me. No thanks to Shaun at all for waking me up at 12am to listen to his repetitive crappy sentences. BECOZ HE IS FREAKING DRUNK and I feel so stupid conversing with him. Zz. Haha. Derrick and his retarded blurness.. Shaun and his usual pucked nonsense. His expression of '... can go blowjob already sia' really amuse me and Lee Hao.. Winnie and her taking photo enthusiasm for 3 days straight.. Reached home thinking that I won't be tired and will make it for training. Turned out I was dead tired as well. Missed training. Shit. And I told Wei Liang I was going. Zz. Oh and the journey back on MRT was retarded too. A list of stupid shit that me and Shaun talked about while Lee was entertained. Arif was sleep dead straight-up on his seat. Haha. Farhan
Holy. I've skipped 4 land trainings. fk it.
Blame no one but yourself.
But..
Can't blame myself either.
XD
Had Hari Raya preparations at home on Tuesday evening and house visits on thursday too.
Only went for polo trainings.
Yup. I've kind of stopped going for sprint trainings. Honest truth ? I find it a waste of my time. It may be beneficial in some way. But it is like going all the way to mac to paddle and the running and such. Maybe it was the fasting month at that time I don't know. But I'm telling you during the fasting month, going sprintings at MAC was a totally no motivation man. Damn sian. Under the scorching sun. Zz. That energy I'd rather focus on polo trainings. I'm still mastering the technique of pushing. Polo's pretty tough and challenging and that's where the fun comes from. It makes me think a lot of how to tackle the problem in the match itself. Still sucky now but I know improvements will come real soon.
Thinking about things a little bit today. And realized a stupid thing I did. I should not have asked Tarmidzie about whether participation will grant CCA points. I swear I didn't only had the intention of just getting the CCA points but of course I want to compete. Not that I have low self esteem in my rowing but I know it myself that I can't win in that marathon. But I believe the experience is valuable. So I was trying to decide if I should join or not. I decided I want to give it a try. But then again I wouldn't be surprised if I was rejected as priority will obviously be given to the sprinters who've been attending trainings everyday and week. I shall see how it goes.
I skipped today's gym. Zz. Went out with friends.. Met Rei Yi at CCK. Lol. She was on the way to training I believe.. but.. 2PM?! So early. Lol. And also met Adilah on the way back home. Got home at 5pm and slept in the bus. So damn tired. That's why when I reach home I made the final decision not to go. XD. Bad bad bad. RESUME NEXT TUESDAY. Kill me if I don't go. ^^ At least I carried dumbells at home.. while awaiting dota game. Lol.
And yes it is true that joining this Canoe CCA is a total entrance to a 'NO LIFE' title. Why ? Coz trainings almost everyday. You get to go out like once a week ? It depends. But you're at the water most of the time. Even my friends have said that. But then I thought about it today and decided that it's my choice. No big deal. My interest for polo have increased with each game that I play at the swimming pool. It's a very strategic and skilful game. Of course my life will be all about SYFC and POLO and AEROSPACE for now but heck. That's my life. It's totally my prerogative to be in this cool situation. A golden opportunity to be in the SYFC and a cool sport to play for the school team. Plus the awesomely retarded (at times) classmates I have. My life isn't so boring. Kind of happy with it. But please I would not want to have any friendship problems with anyone. Best friends shall remain best friends and behave as they are deemed to and other friends please do not backstab. Really.
WOW. Ivan deleted and block me on MSN. WOW. Yes I know Wei Jie would be like, "Wtf you announcing this to the world or something ?" Haha. I'm not. I'm talking about it in my own blog. And can you imagine how PATHETIC THAT IS? My own friend of 5 years did that just because of a childish quarrel he made weeks ago. How pathetic. Like really. I was totally cool the whole time when he was ranting (in caps lock). Annoying. Offered my sincere advise to hiim only to get ranted and raved more. Oh and he insulted me lots too. So isn't it fucking ironic when u enter his blog and discovers a totally 'innocent' side of him ? Isn't that super hypocrytical ? Doesn't practise what he preaches. So much for worshipping god sooo much. Even for me, who's not devoted like crazy, do practise whatever that I've learnt - being a human being, accepting comments and try to change. And for no reason asked me to 'fuck off' yesterday. LOL. SHIT. This paragraph is getting too childish - like him. I'm going to stop. So sorry about it. XD
Shit. Okay. My bad. I realised I did a little ranting back there. I have to unbottle those thoughts. Seriously. I can get very very opiniated and full of comments at most times. This is one of those times. Seriously sorry if it's offensive in any way. People are just so different. Guess I'm used to it already. I remembered at one point of time in Sec 4, I was just amazed at how deifferent people were. How assholes and good students mix around. How bitches and bastards does things. It's really annoying. Haha.
Enough of my personal thoughts.
Play count for 'Womanizer' = 57!
CRAZY.
Can't help it. The song is really awesome. I saw the picture shots from the video (premiering this Friday), it's hot. Literally. Have a look.
Okay la. The 3rd picture she looks damn slutty and a little fat but yeah its cool. I can't believe her attitude is back to being positive about performing. We've waited for a whole 5 years for this. Expecting a lot from 'Circus'. Even if I download it online in December, I swear to god, I will buy it on December 2nd still. Hope there's a deluxe edition or something. 'Womanizer' is out on Itunes but Singapore doesn't have such service. Nonsense. Have to wait for November 3rd. Wei Jie think's 'Spiralling' sounds like a song from Kungfu Panda sountrack. Agreed. The version I had didn't have that cute intro. I sent him the album version which had that intro. So now I know what he was talking about XD. But the album isn't that good like the previous 2.. Oh and Selamat Hari Raya to everyone! XD
Fasting's over. It's back to unhealthy diet. Zz. Happy 18th Birthday to Arif! XD
Like finally man this guy. Haha. Finally all of us are 18. Was looking at this age 8 years ago and finally - here it is. Haha. Sorry never mention anything about presents for you coz we still haven get for WJ his havainas. Haha. Next year we shall think of a new system. LOL. ^^ But presents from ur family are so expensive.. So I guess you should be happy enough. Hahaha. Lastly, Lee Yen! Camera shopping? When's that IT show going to come.. haha Farhan
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