Name: [f]arhan
Age: 19
School: Singapore Polytechnic
MSN: devil_farted@msn.com

5/1 2007: Wei Jie Yan Ping Cheng Yi CK Chu Hui Jennifer Rou Fang Su Maw Atiqah Farah Ivan Shazwin

Poly mates: Jerome Winnie Jason Derrick Zacson Wai Leong Marcus Shazlin Lee Yen Candy Hian Theresa Wei Yang Tarmidzie

Other friends: Jocelyn Rozand Gilford Steffy Tresha Azlin Nicol Hamidah AKM

October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010

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(8:51 PM)

Nice movie!
Went to watch 'I not stupid 2' !!

I watched it with my sister today. Very nice and emotional show. It soo much reminded me of Adam Khoo's course a little. In fact I was holding back my tears in the cinema! This time, I learnt about true friends and family stuff again. Its all social. Damn. My minds a blank again. I'll be back.

Damnit ..

Early in the morning already have to run 6 rounds around the field. PE was so tiring. Its only our second PE lesson and we have to run until like dying like that. Then lessons by mrs terrence were a total bore coz she did what she always did - lecturing. Damnit. it seemes like the second season of Adam Khoo session man. What is she? Terrence khoo? Whatever crap la.

After school I rushed to Jurong Point to meet the KUKUs: Arif, Choon Lock, Tiak Leng and Min Jun. We watched Memoirs of Geisha today. Its a nice movie but it somehow made me learn that friends will backstab you sometimes. Is that true? Will I be the doer or worst, the victim in my future life. Will I ever experience something like that? I'm not cursing myself but I sure do hope the friends around me won't do that. Anyway we left at 5.30 for home. We were so tired and smelly man. Bloody Arif.. People kind enough to ask him along for movie today but he never ask people out for movie 1.. Asshole hahax..

Oh yea, I just finished Xin Yue's quiz about herself. I'm not boasting but I dunno why i got lucky to one shot get her quiz correct! 5 out of 5. I guess I was lucky.

I guess its back to studies for all of us now..

I see that we are all back to normal too. Weird. Saturday and sunday were 2 headache days for me. My mind kept on thinking about the course I attended a week ago. It was irritating but anyway I've stopped thinking about it alrdy (thk god). In fact I was so eager to go back to school on Monday. I don't know why but I wanted to see my friends again! I'm so strange sometimes. Anyway, school has been normal. I can see though that the workload is increasing. I've got killer homeworks which I need to settle later on. Oh yea - I just got back from the library too. Today I went with my friends and Mr David Ng to the JE library to borrow art books. We looked so enthusiastic with art! I don't want Ms Ruth Ng to come back le. My enthusiasm will be gone if she comes back. Anyway I went to Popular after that to buy 2 more CDs:

• Yellowcard - Lights and Sounds
• Mary J. Blige - The Breakthrough

'Lights and Sounds' is my first 2006 album by the way. I don't know what music to look forward to this year but I heard something about Evanescence and Pink. Interesting. Speaking of music, Shazwin's been wanting to me join the Singapore Idol. Damn WHAM WHAM. Am I good enough? I seriously don't know le. Maybe my looks don't satisfy but my voice ...? I don't know! Althought you should believe in yourself. People WILL mock at me. But I like the fact that the auditions are held 1 day after my birthday! Its soooooooo just nice man! Damn I don't know la.

Farhan a.k.a. [f]4rt3d

My mind is not at ease.
I'm still thinking about yesterday night.
It was the most emotional night of my life. I cry just thinking about it.

I have a lot of things in my mind now. I woke up this morning listening to Lindsay Lohan's 'Confessions' song and my tears came out. While listening to it I recalled Ivan's 'speech' yesterday night. How? Why? And how come I didn't even know being his own friend? It was him who taught me to realise how bloody forunate I am. I can still cope even though I come from and average family. Why? Why do I realise it only now? Why do I need soemone to scold and care for me when I have myself? How idiotic can I be? My malay friend's speeechs also taught me something. I didn't treasure the things my parents have provided me for. Why? How unfilial could I have been?

I don't have a fully broken home. I don't have terrible financial difficulties. I'm not handicapped. I have parents. But why do I have that sucky thought that I what I had was still not enough?? Its the lecturers of the course which made me realise the important me. I am a very important person to myself. I'm the captain of my own ship.The way I steer does matter which path I'm going. Khairul, I'm sooo sorry for all that I might have done to hurt the previous years. They weren't really what I wanted. Do you know how guilty I was when you spologised yesterday? Its our fault! Why did you have to apologise? I cried just thinking of the people I had hurt while I was sitted. Please study hard friend. We all have a long way to go and we will succeed if we believe. Mom, you don't have to buy for me anything for my birthday if i ask you in a few weeks time. I have realised how unappreciative I've been all those years when you gave me a handphone, Ipod and other expensive stuff like watches or anything. There are people who doesn't even have one and wishes for one! They wanted to save while me, I still wanted more than this. How greedy can I be? My own friends could resist their temptations . Why can't I?

I'm turning 16 real soon. Everyone around me whom I know seems to be of importance to me now. My friends, my families. I love you people. Just how bad can things be for me? Shedding tears for the things you've done and felt guilty of isn't enough. Now I've learnt a lot from the course. I must do something to my life. It can't carry on with my own way all the time. Before I end this all, I would like to write some things here which I feel about yesterday night:

- Firstly, Ivan I really feel sorry for you. I wanted to cheer you up yesterday but couldn't find you. I never expected you to suffer inside. I am truly sorry if I've hurt you in any way at all. You taught me something too.

- To ashik and your gang, you did the right thing yesterday. I sometimes wish that I could be your close friends too. But it doesn't really matter anyway. I want you to know that you people have taught me to value whatever things I have right now. Thank you so much. I hope you achieve your long and short term goals.

- Dixon and gang, I'm surprised that Andrew didn't go out to speak but anyway, you people did the right thing. Just realise that you are intelligent people. Dixon, you are way cleverer than me! Show that please! Don't do things without thinking again okay? We were very close friends in sec 1 and 2 weren't we?

- Atiqah and gang, I know that only Atiqah went out to speak but anyway, you were the first to made my tears come out. I was so touched by what you said about becoming a teacher. You were so determined! I pray that you get what you want friend.

Lastly to these 2 people who I've always stuck myself to or rather, we liked each other's company. Arif and Timothy. Timothy, I am really really sorry if I've talked about you behind your back. I really think you would be my best friend all the way. But somehow I feel that you mature faster than me and that whatever that I think or do might be something that you don't like at all. Remember the time when when you said we could be like brothers? I agreed. But what happened after that? How come our connection got destroyed? Fine. I won't blame you for it. I didn't know how to be a good friend to you too. But I can assure you that I have given you advice and helped you a lot of times that I got tired of it. Arif, I don't really know if you have ever treat me like a good friend. You are a nice and timid person I know. Remember when you would tell me the little secrets? And I would sometimes let the cat out of the bag unintentionally? I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that. I sometimes get the feeling that you don't trust me anymore too. I've stopped that. You are doing that to me too! Come on man. We can be real good friends. I support you becoming a pilot. Go ahead. If we believe in whatever things we do, WE WILL succeed - together. Yes. Lets do this together. Friends forever, I love you people as real good friend. If I've ever hurt you physically or emotionally forgive me please.

For the rest of my friends, i haven't forgotten you. You make out 4/7. We will strive together. I'm surprised if obstacles are encountered along the way. We will make it people. However we must realize that our families makes up the most part of our lives. I have learnt this from a friend. I won't forget this. I hope this won't be temporary.

PS: I think the DJs should have played this 'Confessions of A Broken Heart' song Yesterday night instead. The lyrics fits the atmosphere totally.

I lost my own battle in my own mind.

The course is powerful I must say. It makes me realize the importance of the people around me. I cannot believe this. I never expected this at all. to the lecturerers who conducted this course, you are great. I'm a very hard to please person for your information and you've succeeded in breaking my mind. However I still will stick on what I belive is true and will add on what I've learnt from you too.

PS: I seriously got no mood to talk now. I'm emotionally controlled now. I'm not faking this for attention. And I might even scan the letter I gave to my mom here.

It has been an inteRestIng month of anger for me.
It certainly has.

ToDay, 5 councillors went for detention not knowing what they did wrong. What the hell right? I don't know why but I'm beginning to hate some teacherZ already. I think I know very well where the fault lieS in. Why do hUmans sometimes have to be such hypocryte - even adults. There are people who are damn pissed off over this issue. And I'm ruddy one of them. How do you expeCt to lead a board of councillors when we know very well of your character? And a f**Ked up character that is. Jus how overboard can people go these days? 

Damn ..

Another stupid thing I am going to rant about ..

Satanism. Is that a religion? Coz if it is, I might get into trouble with law just with this entry. Whatever man. Why are there people who have a religion of their own wants to be influenced by other people. He keeps on enquiring about the subject! its soooooo DUMB! I'm not attacking anyone here but its just that human behavioural around me have triggered by system of annoyance. And I really mean Annoyance! Just why can't people realize what they are doing? And I seriously fucking think that Magic poker Cards are a goddamn waste of money and TIME. You might say I'm a loser saying that but think man. Isnt that just a shotgun interest??

I'm not happy..

.. With some people who LOVES to be a follower. Fuckin' follower. This is my assumption though: That he thinks that whatever he does is cool. Thinks that 'cool' people will love the kind of 'cool' person he is. Seriously man, he has changed a lot. Or worse he might even think that he is too handsome for anyone too. Why can't he ever realize what the public thinks of him? I'm truly unhappy man. In fact I've been fuckin' patient with this person la. Fuck this crap of human behaviours man. And will people ever learn to keep their plates and cups back? Have some responsibilities la fuckers.

There is this teacher whom I've pretty respected SO MUCH for she really is good at English and also earning people's respect. She upholds her discipline position well too. But whaddafuck man. People do have bad points la. She claims that teachers understand the student's needs and that we as students have to heed the teacher's advice for a smooth path. Fine. I goddamn agree to that. But recently i've been fucked up over the promises shes made but in the end breaks it. Wa kao seriously la can such people really start to realize what they are doing and that THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS RIGHT? And also stop your nonsense when you are supposed to conduct a lesson but instead talk shit(s).

"Don't always think you are right shitbrain!" - Farhan


Farhan a.k.a. [f]4rt3d

Shit man..

Last year I got caught by Ms Liao for playing with a penknife. Now I've repeated my mistake again!! I got caught today for playing with a scissors. DOTS* MAN. I only placed the scissors near Arif's head what.. She really exaggerated quite a lot man. I had no intention to cut or hurt Arif in anyway what....... Aiya whatever.. WHATEVER la!

Wa lao.. I suddenly hate to be in charge of decorations man. Its such a hectic role! Every month have to decorate.. Whaddahell la... Tomorrow I gotta rush into making a banner already. 3 more months till I pass out... Isn't that like cool?

School is back to normal for me. Except that its getting more fast paced a little. September is the BIG month for me. Its gonna be at least 2 months of IMPORTANT exams!! Shit la.. Haha..

Aaaargh!

People say I'm...

NOT GOOD LOOKING. In other words - ugly. Shitt la! I really that ugly meh? I'm not that looks conscious person but seriously man.. Haha.. HOW? Am I really that ugly.....? Izzit my pimples?? That bad?? I like a girl. This particular girl. I dunno if I'm good enough for her or not. She is attached currently. But my friends say I'm not good enough for her in terms of looks! Shittttttt MAN!! However!! I love this phrase from Sugababes!! It's "People are all the same.. And we only get judged by what we do.. " Cool rite? I love that song! Shitt I sounded so gay! Whatever man.. I'm soo freakin' tired now. After this I'm gonna be doing the nominal role for Ms Lim. Shitt la. Kaoz. So Sian.. Tomorrow got NCC summore. Sighx..

Cool.

Now we can report to school at 8.15am in the morning on every Monday from now. Not bad. Now I can really fully relax and have a nice sleep. Anyway today I went for my religious class and after that went to Westmall to buy the Korn CD. Not bad. Suddenly I'm so into rock songs.  Then right I'm finding pictures for the 'Appreciation Corner' Porject and also going to do my school homeworks later. Yesterday went to school for councillor meeting and in the afternoon went to Westmall with Arif to buy Birthday Present for Xin Yue. Her birthday WAS on October 17th and he wants to buy it only now?? God knows when he will buy my birthday present... probably when we leave school he would come with a present saying "This is your 16th Birthday present! Sorry to give it to you late..". Or worst, not even buy at all.. Whatever it is after that Westmall trip, I went to the gym with wei jie, qing hao, song jun, CK and timothy. Its been a long time since we wen for a workout! Our hands were trembling so bad that I'm having a deadly muscleache right now! I hope the torn tissues in me will be mended soon. I think that is all for now. My hand too pain to type anymore. Going to do my HW now..

Disgusting ..

Dsicriminating ..

Damn ..

It totally suck. Way totally. I'm fine with the teachers though. Its just that the concept of the new 4/7 is totally DISCRIMINATING. Its damn stupid that the class constantly have to change EVERY HOUR when the subject changes too. Its so irritating! Mrs Terrence, whats it that you talked about CLASS BONDING? We keep on shifting like as though its some American High School college. Whos stupid idea was it to make it this way? Even if you want to split, can you PLEASE do it fairly? the ratio of people after splitting was like 16:25. What kind of study room is that? Now people term the 'a' class as a good class whereas 'b' is not. Yes you might say you want US to prove them wrong but this kind of challenge is damn crappy and dsicriminating man. I'm damn not happy about this.

Confessions now: 
Frankly I am not happy ULTIMATELY. Last year I talked about me being transferred to 'chicken' team just because people thought I'm lousy. And I felt really worst after that. Why? Its because I know I can do better than that. Now the same thing happened except that this thing is soemthing that I will have to keep up for the rest of the year. This isn't the normal 1/7, 2/7 or 3/7 I knew previous years! Now the thing I am not happy about is that my physics really suck. Sucks that I had to transfer class each time its physics lesson. I get sooooo irritated each time I think about it. I AM NOT STUPID. Why must the world work this way? I don't know if things would change or not but somehow FOR SURE though I WILL DO SOMETHING about my academic results. I swear to god I will AIM FOR A1 FOR MY MT. Only then will I get to focus on my other subjects.

Nothing to happy to talk about. Nothing at all. Not looking forward to ANY physics lesson at all. Damn discriminating. Perhaps though there might be some benefits to these new arrangements but what ever it is I've been repeating this: things always contradicts with one another. Fuck that. I guess I'm going to be doing my A maths homework now. After that I'm going to have a good sleep to prepare myself for the next day.

"I want things to change for the better .."