My mind is not at ease.
I'm still thinking about yesterday night.
It was the most emotional night of my life. I cry just thinking about it.

I have a lot of things in my mind now. I woke up this morning listening to Lindsay Lohan's 'Confessions' song and my tears came out. While listening to it I recalled Ivan's 'speech' yesterday night. How? Why? And how come I didn't even know being his own friend? It was him who taught me to realise how bloody forunate I am. I can still cope even though I come from and average family. Why? Why do I realise it only now? Why do I need soemone to scold and care for me when I have myself? How idiotic can I be? My malay friend's speeechs also taught me something. I didn't treasure the things my parents have provided me for. Why? How unfilial could I have been?

I don't have a fully broken home. I don't have terrible financial difficulties. I'm not handicapped. I have parents. But why do I have that sucky thought that I what I had was still not enough?? Its the lecturers of the course which made me realise the important me. I am a very important person to myself. I'm the captain of my own ship.The way I steer does matter which path I'm going. Khairul, I'm sooo sorry for all that I might have done to hurt the previous years. They weren't really what I wanted. Do you know how guilty I was when you spologised yesterday? Its our fault! Why did you have to apologise? I cried just thinking of the people I had hurt while I was sitted. Please study hard friend. We all have a long way to go and we will succeed if we believe. Mom, you don't have to buy for me anything for my birthday if i ask you in a few weeks time. I have realised how unappreciative I've been all those years when you gave me a handphone, Ipod and other expensive stuff like watches or anything. There are people who doesn't even have one and wishes for one! They wanted to save while me, I still wanted more than this. How greedy can I be? My own friends could resist their temptations . Why can't I?

I'm turning 16 real soon. Everyone around me whom I know seems to be of importance to me now. My friends, my families. I love you people. Just how bad can things be for me? Shedding tears for the things you've done and felt guilty of isn't enough. Now I've learnt a lot from the course. I must do something to my life. It can't carry on with my own way all the time. Before I end this all, I would like to write some things here which I feel about yesterday night:

- Firstly, Ivan I really feel sorry for you. I wanted to cheer you up yesterday but couldn't find you. I never expected you to suffer inside. I am truly sorry if I've hurt you in any way at all. You taught me something too.

- To ashik and your gang, you did the right thing yesterday. I sometimes wish that I could be your close friends too. But it doesn't really matter anyway. I want you to know that you people have taught me to value whatever things I have right now. Thank you so much. I hope you achieve your long and short term goals.

- Dixon and gang, I'm surprised that Andrew didn't go out to speak but anyway, you people did the right thing. Just realise that you are intelligent people. Dixon, you are way cleverer than me! Show that please! Don't do things without thinking again okay? We were very close friends in sec 1 and 2 weren't we?

- Atiqah and gang, I know that only Atiqah went out to speak but anyway, you were the first to made my tears come out. I was so touched by what you said about becoming a teacher. You were so determined! I pray that you get what you want friend.

Lastly to these 2 people who I've always stuck myself to or rather, we liked each other's company. Arif and Timothy. Timothy, I am really really sorry if I've talked about you behind your back. I really think you would be my best friend all the way. But somehow I feel that you mature faster than me and that whatever that I think or do might be something that you don't like at all. Remember the time when when you said we could be like brothers? I agreed. But what happened after that? How come our connection got destroyed? Fine. I won't blame you for it. I didn't know how to be a good friend to you too. But I can assure you that I have given you advice and helped you a lot of times that I got tired of it. Arif, I don't really know if you have ever treat me like a good friend. You are a nice and timid person I know. Remember when you would tell me the little secrets? And I would sometimes let the cat out of the bag unintentionally? I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that. I sometimes get the feeling that you don't trust me anymore too. I've stopped that. You are doing that to me too! Come on man. We can be real good friends. I support you becoming a pilot. Go ahead. If we believe in whatever things we do, WE WILL succeed - together. Yes. Lets do this together. Friends forever, I love you people as real good friend. If I've ever hurt you physically or emotionally forgive me please.

For the rest of my friends, i haven't forgotten you. You make out 4/7. We will strive together. I'm surprised if obstacles are encountered along the way. We will make it people. However we must realize that our families makes up the most part of our lives. I have learnt this from a friend. I won't forget this. I hope this won't be temporary.

PS: I think the DJs should have played this 'Confessions of A Broken Heart' song Yesterday night instead. The lyrics fits the atmosphere totally.