Oh damn..

It always happen like this. I always have a lot of things to say the days before but when I'm sitting in front of my computer like now, my mind would just lose whatever things it had saved earlier on. Stupid right!? Haha. Anyway, just like my title of this entry says, its about me being observant in all ways.

By now I think everyone surely must have heard of the song entitled 'Graduation' from Vitamin C. Yup. It's heard almost by every teen everywhere. People like it's rhythm and its nicely-fit lyrics. A few days back I was listening to my Ipod in shuffle mode. And coincidentally it played the Graduation song. Its naturally for me to press the 'Next' button on my Ipod to skip that song I 'disliked'. But at that time I strangely told myself to take time to listen to the song's lyrics and understand it too. Boy, did that really made me feel matured and serious for a moment. Seriously man, the lyrics can seriously be connected with reality. I really cannot imagine leaving my secondary school and advancing on to a higher institution. Where will I be fated to go? What would the feeling be like on the last day of my secondary school life? Would it really be a goodbye to all of my friends? These, frankly, are just simple questions. You need to sit down and think about this yourself. Just think of a scenario where you have to say goodbye to people whom you've known for 5 years. People whom you (might have probably) quarelled with. People who have went through the thick and thin with you together. Just thinking about all these makes me emotional already. I now ponder on this sentence in the song:"And if you've got something to say you'd better say it right now". It means that if you've got anything to do or to say to your friends, you'd better do it right now before its too late. For me, it means to forget about the bad things between us and to have fun together all the times. With this, I've decided to forget about the bad things I have with all the people around me. I should be doing things I want right now before its too late. I swear I shall always think before doing things. I'm going to treasure all the friends and fun I can have now.

Again it contradicts with my life again. How far will my 'fun' go? I'm a discipline exco. I've got to set limitations for myself. That suck. How am I going to enjoy fully now?? I'll let things go naturally but no bad blood with other people, Farhan.. Remember that..

I don't know. I really don't know man. Things in my life contradicts in all ways. The good and the bad always clashes in all ways. NCC training on Friday have told me something. It tells me that I'm pretty useless. Seriously man. I'm not supposed to say this. I know this is just going to lower down my confidence. But its quite of a fact. I've always loved to boost people's confidence in whatever they do. But the thing is I myself doens have the full confidence. I won't say much here but all I ever want to do is to be able to do something for NCC. I don't want to be a useless 2nd sergeant. I must think before I act. I must think before I take on important roles in any way.

Lastly, I notice that people give me respect. A lot of their respect. I really earn too much of people's respect and sympathy being the kind of person I am. People just respect me for the way I am too much. Thats good. But the problem is that I'm not born with the natural charisma(probably!). Really man. I've noticed that about me. Certain people do have their own ways of entertaining themselves. Sometimes I just get left alone with no one to talk to. Then I would see people interact with people they want to. 'Why don't you go and do the same thing then?' you might ask. Sigh, I don't know. I just don't know.

PS:If the tickets are not sold out... I' HEADING FOR THE BLACK EYED PEAS CONCERT ON TUESDAY!! I hope the cheap tickets are not sold out yet. If everything goes nicely then I'm going with my aunt. OoOOh~ I'm praying that I'm able to go man..


Farhan a.k.a. [f]4rt3d