Sigh..

First time after months that I'm writing a blog entry in the afternoon after school. Finally got the time to do this. Just returned from Macdonalds IMM with Timothy. On the way back we kinda quarelled. I hate that. That was quite of a first time that we were disagreeing on something. I think I'm going to talk for a long time now. I don't believe I am at fault. I am the one witnessing the acts of my own class. People have family problems. Almost everyone have family problems. If you think you have family problems, think again. There are people worst off than you for all you know. My view, my very personal view: You have family problem (or if thats what you claim as it would be!), you resort to other foolish things? You smoke, you do other ugly and STUPID things? Are you really that stupid? Resort to stealing too if you want that item?? Or worst, you take drugs. Thats a totally bad case. I resent these people most of the time. But at the same time, am I perfect myself? Am I in the right position to say about people? I'm not good academically. I know that. People might say that I'm lousy even though I hold the Discipline rank in the councillor board. Maybe I don't know but it could be even my own trusted pals speaking behind my back. I've always give in to people. Yes, I may be weak in all of these I've written. But I AM PROUD to say that I DON'T SMOKE AND HAVE NEVER RESORTED TO ANY FUGLY ACTIVITIES.

3/7.. Whats becoming of our class? Our class, I would claim it to be the king of complains. Why? Your own class.. Why, you would ask. I seem to be able to know whats the matter with us now. Its our attitude. We always think that we are DAMN GOOD. We think that we are cool in whatever that we do. We hate to take advices from teachers or other elders. We respect only those teachers who deserve to be respected. We live in school the way we want it to be. And I dare to say this too: Commonwealthians DON'T HAVE PRIDE IN THEIR SCHOOL UNIFORM. People are constantly tucking out their shirt. Yes, I have tucked out before but at least I reazlize what I'm doing. I stopped. I know I always try to improve. Oh yes, back to what I was talking about. We complain whenever there is homework. Mrs Terrence is right - "You people wants activites bu do not want to even help in organising them!". I tried to help but I'm too busy with my other stuff. So I thought at that point, if you could smoke then why not help instead. I'm starting to get pissed off with EVERYTHING!

Already me and Timothy are drifting apart. I even ever dreamed of losing this friendship. Is it just me? I find that I'm going against anything - everything in fact! I swear. I'm not happy everyone. In NCC in Councillor and in class too. I'm fucked up. Very fucked up over what the hell god knows. I suck too. I suck sooo badly! I think I just ruined my friendship with Arif. That was probably very stupid of me. I won't ever do such a thing ever again. I now prefer to be alone too. I suddenly prefer silence rather than noise and happiness. I just feel that I needed counselling. I just feel that not being born in this world would have been a great thing for me. But then again, being born in this world is soemthing I should cherish. Everything contradicts with everything that I think of. I'm feeling real down now. I'm pleading with everyone now that I need a LONG BREAK. I still want friendship with you people. I beg of all of my friends especially the ones that are very close to me, Please please do not contaminate your life with bad influences and filthy behaviours. Don't! Please don't!

PS: I just learned something by myself. I am never going to show understanding to people who have never used their brains to understand themselves and to be sensible. I don't care if you have family problems or what ever fuck. If thats the case I might as well rob a bank at confess that I have family or personal problems that I resorted to this. And what would happen if everyone is to do just that?


Farhan a.k.a. [f]4rt3d